Who are you?

Chapter 13

tear me apart.

I don't know where the courage came from, as if the end of the world will happen in the next second, and I am the last hope to save the world, so I must stand up and not back down.

"It's me! That person is me!"

"what?"

Everyone looked at me in surprise, mom and dad too.Only Gu Nan's eyes are red, I have no doubt that if conditions permit, he will definitely kill me.

"It's me. It's me who kissed my brother."

Well, now I finally ruined everything.

I thought that as long as I confessed, Gu Nan wouldn't have to leave, and it would be fine for me to bear all the sins.

But I was wrong again, my admission only made things worse, Gu Nan was still sent away.Not sent abroad though, just a college away from home and ordered not to come back, until I gave him up.

But how could I give up?

33,

I can never forget what Gu Nan said when he left.He said, "Zuo An, you owe me."

He was right, I owe him.I brought him into this disaster, I ruined him.But Gu Nan, what I want is not such an understatement of "you owe me", I would rather you beat me and scold me, even if you hate me, than calmly act as if nothing happened.

I failed to stop my parents from sending Gu Nan away.

After Gu Nan left, I started to go crazy.I think about going to him every day, and I can't forget him.But if I don't forget him, he will never come back to me.

They didn't tell me where Gu Nan went, but so what?I can look for it myself, I can always find him.

So I began secretly planning my preparations for leaving home.If my parents know about this matter, I will definitely not be able to leave, so I must carefully hide it from them.

Over the years, I have saved a lot of private money, I don't know if it is enough for me to find Gu Nan.But it doesn't matter, I can find a way to make money again when the money is gone.

Maybe it was because I behaved too normally during that time, no one noticed my abnormality, and that's why my mother became more and more indifferent to me.I even started swearing at each other, but I wasn't angry and I didn't hate her.

Because I ruined his only son.This is my sin and my punishment.

During that time, there were many problems between father and mother. From outsiders' point of view, the two should get divorced if they go any further.

But after all, it was not as outsiders thought.

Because I was missing, I escaped from that house smoothly.

I was alone, with a bag on my back, and all my private money. One day after school, I didn't wait for my father to pick me up, and ran to the station quietly by myself.

I didn't know where I was going, so I bought a ticket for the farthest train.At that time, what I thought was that the farther away from home the better, so that I would not be arrested.

Although I am young and lack some common sense, I am not too stupid.I know that there are many thieves outside, because Gu Nan once told me about his experience of being stolen, so I am very careful.I know that there are many liars out there, because Gu Nan told me that strangers will not treat me well for no reason, so I always run away when I see people approaching me proactively.

I was so cautious, worried every day, and I don’t know how many places I went to, and I don’t even remember how many times I took the car.I didn't know that my parents at home had gone crazy, and Gu Nan and I were looking for me all over the world.

I just remember that when I opened my eyes again, I was in a white room.I was lying on the white bed alone, and the silence around me was palpitating.

Then the door of the room was opened, and I saw my parents appearing at the door with a sad face.

After that, many things began to become blurred. I vaguely remember that another man in a white coat often appeared in front of me. I stayed in that white room for a long time.

After I came out, I felt dizzy when I saw white for a long time.

I started to go to school normally again, but the school was suspended by my father, saying that there was something wrong with my health.

Yes, because of homosexuality, he was sent to treatment forcibly.

I always thought so.

But the truth is not that simple.I don't remember how I got back to my parents, I don't remember whether I found Gu Nan.Even later, I didn't remember Gu Nan.

The man in the white coat is a very capable psychiatrist.When he suggested hypnotherapy, Dad nodded.

And he lived up to expectations, and I did heal.

The most real lie in this world is true and false. When you think I'm lying to you, I'm telling the truth, but when you think I'm telling the truth, I'm lying to you.

He tampered with my memory and kept some of it.That's why I've believed in it for so long.

34,

"Look at this, does it look like your piano?"

A crystal ball placed outside in the glass window shone transparently in the sunlight.A white piano inside is quiet and elegant, as if waiting for the destined person to play it.

"Huh? It's quite similar."

"Brother, I want this!"

"Do you like it?"

"Ok!"

"Okay, wait."

***

Recently, a lot of memories suddenly appeared in my mind. Some pictures that were completely unfamiliar to me seemed to be flooded in like a valve was opened.Sometimes there is so much information that my head starts to swell and ache.

In the past, what I saw was just a small thing that was forgotten at a glance, but during this period of time, scenes can always be drawn out one after another.Sometimes clear, sometimes blurry.Sometimes there is sound, but sometimes there is only movement, and even the expression cannot be seen clearly.

Those in the dormitory didn't know whether it was a sudden change of sex, or they could see that something was wrong with me, or maybe the second child said something to them, in short, they suddenly became very quiet these few days.The game sound effects that appear in the dormitory every day are gone, and the daily routine of the second child and the boss bragging and talking nonsense has also disappeared.As for the third child, it was rare that he didn't hug his pillow and go to Duke Zhou whenever he had time.

It's unbelievable how quiet these few people are these days, when I can't see the sight these people are aiming at me intentionally or unintentionally?

I haven't remembered many things clearly, and it may still be very confusing, but there is one thing I am sure of, that is, I like Gu Nan, and Gu Nan... probably only regards me as a younger brother. Never responded to me.

The day of the school celebration is approaching, and the school has lost the atmosphere of class these days, and everyone is excited because of the arrival of the school celebration.In the past two days, the head teacher has been intensively conducting the final training for the students who will participate in the performance.

I recently saw a piano with a strange mood. I couldn't explain the emotion clearly. I wanted to touch it, but I was afraid to touch it.This feeling is so similar to when I faced Gu Nan at that time, I longed to have him, but I was afraid to face the eyes of the world.I am afraid that I will ruin myself and him because of my willfulness.

In fact, thinking about it now, the real reason was that I was afraid that I would not be able to face the eyes of my parents and friends at that time.Worrying about ruining Gu Nan is just to make herself less selfish and vicious in this love.

At the end of the day, I'm a scumbag.Longing for love, but afraid of the consequences.

Could it be that Gu Nan didn't even bother to refuse me because he saw through my bad nature?

Just thinking about it now, what's the point?I don't care whether this relationship can have a result, I just want to know what happened at that time?My intuition told me that I would be hypnotized not only because my parents wanted me to forget about Gu Nan and that unbearable relationship.

"Second, where is Gu Nan?" I asked my second after the day's practice.

"I do not know."

"You really don't know? Don't lie to me." I am full of distrust for him now.

"I really don't know. I swear, I never lied to you!"

"...He really said that he would come to see me after the school celebration?"

"En. However, he said that you won't show up until you get the ranking at the school celebration." The second child added with some trepidation that he didn't even dare to speak loudly in front of me recently, obviously lacking in confidence.

The second child probably thought that I would be furious again when I heard this, but the fact is that I just nodded calmly to show that I understood, and then climbed into bed and got ready to sleep.

Knowing too much is really not a good thing sometimes, like now, I don't even dare to get angry at the person who played me with confidence, because...

I owe him.

35,

where is this?

I moved my body with some difficulty, and found that my whole body was soft without any strength.My head is also groggy, and I feel very bad.

I tried to recall what happened before this, but my chaotic brain obviously started to go on strike at this time, and I just wanted to fall into a deep sleep.

In the confusion, it felt as if someone opened the door, and then someone stopped by my bed, and the footsteps seemed to be more than one person.

Someone is talking in my ear.

"Boss, I told you, this time I will definitely satisfy you, how is it? Am I right?"

"It's not bad this time. Where did you get it? There won't be any trouble, right?"

"Boss, don't worry! It's absolutely fine this time! If something goes wrong, I will bear it alone!"

"Okay! I'll trust you just once! Your benefits will be indispensable at that time."

"Hey...thank you boss!"

……

I felt a pair of rough hands touch my face a few times, and then the voice faded away.

Just when I was about to fall asleep completely, the door of the room was opened again, and it seemed that only one person came in this time, because the footsteps sounded much softer.in the room after this