NABC Chapter 18: Senior Brother, Sect Master, No Doubt
Chapter 18: Senior Brother, Sect Master, No Doubt
"When exactly...did I start to fall in love with this person?"
Many years later, Gongsun Ling, who now wields the [Same Month Decree] and whose cultivation has approached that of a great supernatural being...
Raising his head, just as he had when he first entered the sect, he looked up at the back of Lü Buyi, who had replaced his aging master and become the new generation leader of the Sanzhen Dharma School.
Ask yourself this question.
.
After that day, all of Gongsun Ling's suspicions about Lü Buyi disappeared when she received the "Same Month Order".
She could no longer bear the thought that this person might be someone who was pretending.
Because he hasn't changed, he hasn't changed towards anyone.
His fellow disciples accepted everything after he comforted them, and his teachers were also deeply gratified by his understanding.
Under his guidance, the doubts that Gongsun Ling had once faced within the Three Truths School were transformed into encouragement.
"When you've mastered your skills, you must defeat Senior Brother, Junior Sister Gongsun!"
"Yes, yes, yes! Senior Brother Buyi has recently forbidden us from peeping at him while he's bathing anymore! It's absolutely outrageous!"
"Ling girl, do your best. As the true successor chosen by the [Same Month Order], don't let Bu Yi down."
Gradually, some more days passed.
I don't know if it was because of that sentence back then, or simply because I wanted to stand by his side on my own.
Unbeknownst to him, Gongsun Ling's feelings for Lü Buyi had transformed into something ambiguous and unclear.
Many years later, in her ignorance and naivety, she finally understood what that feeling was called—
Love.
It was a very strange feeling.
At first, Gongsun Ling thought it was just ordinary dependence.
She relied on her senior's guidance and his affirmation.
She attributed all her diligence and hard work to her unwillingness to disappoint him, and explained every impulse to get closer to him as respect for her senior.
She was young then and didn't understand why she wanted to stay by this person's side.
All I know is that I always want to see him. When I see him, I feel at ease like never before. When I don't see him, I feel that even the sun and moon in the mountains seem a bit dim.
So for many days and nights afterward, she began to unconsciously pay attention to everything about him.
Lü Buyi liked to stroll alone in the pine forest behind the mountain in the late afternoon, and during that time she would stay quietly in the library closest to the back mountain.
He is afraid of the heat in summer but not the cold in winter.
He dislikes being disturbed, but he never shuts people out.
Gongsun Ling didn't know why she was saving these things.
All I know is that every new thing I discover about him brings me a strange sense of satisfaction.
This satisfaction was mixed with a secret joy, but she had to admit it.
Now all she can do is watch his back.
It has been like this since the day I entered the school.
She followed behind him, watching his back pass through the mountain gate, through the courtyard, and through one spring, summer, autumn, and winter after another.
She chased after him step by step, believing that one day she would be able to reach his side.
But when she actually stood very close to him, when she became the respected Sister Gongsun in the Three Truths Sect.
She then realized that the figure was still in front of her, neither too close nor too far, just a distance she could never reach.
Until he replaced his master as the sect leader.
These fragmented, unknown thoughts, accumulated day after day, finally changed completely in that year.
Gongsun Ling began to understand that it was not admiration for her teacher.
That was one person's complete and sincere love for another.
She fell in love with Lü Buyi.
That afternoon when the thought first clearly surfaced in my mind.
Gongsun Ling sat alone in the pine forest behind the mountain, burying her face deeply in her hands.
She felt the burning heat of her cheeks in her palms, and heard her heart pounding as loudly as a drumbeat in the mountains.
Her feelings went from vague to clear, from confused to certain, throughout countless ordinary days and nights.
Perhaps only Master Canyi witnessed the whole thing.
And once she realized her feelings for him, the first thing she started to change was the way she addressed him.
As the years went by, she called Lü Buyi "senior brother" less and less.
At first, she herself did not notice this change, but one day she suddenly realized that she had not called out those two words for a very long time.
Instead, there is a "Sect Leader".
Why do this?
Gongsun Ling felt that if she were facing the sect leader instead of her senior brother, she would feel even worse.
Then, perhaps one's emotions will have a chance to be expressed.
However, it is quite obvious—
The answer is no.
"Sect Master."
When she uttered this title, it always carried a sense of solemnity and propriety.
Not too high, not too low, not too far, not too near.
Although it was precisely the most dignified voice that the insurmountable distance between her and him could accommodate.
But she is a disciple of the Three Truths School, and he is the school leader.
She reported matters to the sect leader, sought instructions from the sect leader, and reported the results of her descent down the mountain to exterminate the evil corpse.
Every time she addressed him as "Sect Leader," she had to remind herself that the person she once called "Senior Brother" now stood in a position where she had to treat him with respect.
She can't go too far—
Because he said nothing, because Lü Buyi never made any statement about it.
She called him "senior brother," and he responded.
She called him sect leader, and he responded.
His attitude towards her remained the same as always; he neither distanced himself from her as she grew up, nor became particularly close to her as her cultivation improved.
He remained the same as always: gentle, polite, and at just the right distance.
This is precisely where Gongsun Ling felt most powerless.
He has never changed.
From the moment she joined the sect until now, he has always remained the same Lü Buyi. Her fellow disciples have changed, from questioning her to encouraging her.
The teachers are changing, from young and strong to gradually getting old;
Even she herself is changing, from an ignorant child to a cultivator who wields the same month's command.
Only he remained unchanged.
He treats everyone the same.
He was extremely respectful to his teachers, took good care of his fellow students, and was gentle yet dignified towards his disciples.
He treated gentleness as a habit and distance as an instinct.
He can soothe the emotions of his fellow disciples, understand the difficulties of his teachers, and speak the most appropriate words in every situation where he needs to express his opinion.
But he never truly gets close to anyone, nor does he allow anyone to truly get close to him.
This unwavering consistency, once the cornerstone of her trust in him, later became her greatest source of distress.
If he is a hypocrite, she can actually find a way out for herself.
See, he's nothing special, so let it go.
But he wasn't.
He was the same way from beginning to end, open and honest in everything he did, both in good times and in bad.
She couldn't even bring herself to ask.
She couldn't ask.
Because he is the sect leader, and she is the disciple.
Because he was Lü Buyi, and she was Gongsun Ling.
Many years later, when she took charge of the same month's command and her cultivation had approached that of a great supernatural being, when she replaced her aging master to descend the mountain and eliminate the Dharma corpse, becoming Senior Sister Gongsun and Senior Uncle in the same sect.
She can still only raise her head, just like when she first entered the school.
Looking up at Lü Buyi's back.
Then, one day, finally, hope appeared.