The princess is reborn

Chapter 83 "The Last Time"

Ever since I was reborn, my sleep has not been very good. Either I have frequent nightmares at night, or I toss and turn, unable to fall asleep for a long time, with my eyes open until the sun rises.

But I slept very well last night, my tense nerves were hard to relax, and even my breathing became even and long. After a deep sleep, my tense brain no longer had faint tingling pain, and I got the most complete relaxation. Even the corners of the lips were so satisfied that they couldn't help but rise.

I opened my eyes in a daze, and saw the strong shadow of the sun outside the window. The sun was shining three poles, and the goshawks in the distance flew into the green mountains. The spring sun shone warmly on me. On the eyelashes, the dazzling light is mixed with my pupils.

I habitually dawdled on the pillow for a while, stretched my fingers forward following the memory, imagining to feel the cool body temperature as in the past.

But there was nothing. Last night's gentle whispers were like a grotesque dream. When exposed to the bright sun, they turned into countless colorful bubbles, and before they could be touched, they shattered into pieces.

I have read in books that dreams are the true reflection of the most desired things in the subconscious mind. I may be too eager to reconcile with Xie Yan, so I had such a good dream, but it doesn't matter.

At this time, the door opened with a "squeak", and the attendant walked into the room lightly with a basin for washing. When his eyes touched my open eyes, he breathed a sigh of relief and asked me suspiciously. , "Young master, why did you sleep so late today? Don't you usually get up before dawn?"

"Oh," I nodded and smiled at him, "I slept soundly last night."

The attendant waited for me to wash and wash, and then brought in my lunch. Seeing that I had finished eating in small bites, he took out a letter from his cuff and presented it, saying, "Young master, this is General Han Feidu entrusting me to deliver it to you." your letter."

"Is he okay? Does His Royal Highness make things difficult for him?"

I took the letter and frowned again, thinking of Xie Yan's inexplicable and strong hostility towards Han Feidu yesterday, I couldn't help feeling a little worried.

Xie Yan and I had such a heated quarrel outside yesterday, even the attendant knew the undercurrent was turbulent, so he replied cautiously with embarrassment on his face.

"His Royal Highness did not embarrass General Han, but ordered him to bring a group of elite troops to attack Fangzhou. It was entrusted to him with a heavy responsibility, but Fangzhou is far away from here. I am afraid that General Han will not return in the future. Wengcheng is here."

As expected, Xie Yan is not a person who avenges public and private revenge, so I relaxed a little before opening the letter.

Han Feidu's handwriting is not outstanding, it can only be said to be neat and clear, but the words are sincere and sincere, as if standing in front of my eyes and saying goodbye.

little son:

I look forward to your letter of joy.

Young master, I am going to Fangzhou. His Royal Highness gave me an elite army and made me the head coach. I know this means to reuse me.If I can capture Fang Zhou, I will have a bright future and a bright future.I was only a major general before, and His Highness the Crown Prince reused me so exceptionally because of you, my young master, because I told him some secrets that you have not revealed.

I'm very sorry, my son, I can't do what you asked me to do. His Royal Highness was so angry yesterday. I was worried that he would harm you, so I told him everything in detail, not just you secretly using private Jewelry and gold to support him, and the matter of the sachet, as well as the many counselors and old ministries you found, I listed all the old ministries from the capital and handed them over to His Royal Highness the Crown Prince.

In fact, I am very curious what you think, little son. You like His Highness so much, and you have done so much for His Highness, but you can not reveal a word to him, and you don’t ask him for credit. Why?

I thought His Royal Highness the Crown Prince knew about these things long ago, but I only knew when I saw his solemn and condensed face. It turned out that he didn't even know.His Royal Highness doesn't know that you have done so much for him behind his back, young master, why are you bothering?

I don't know if there was any misunderstanding between the young prince and His Royal Highness, but I think His Royal Highness also likes you, young prince, at least more than I do.

Young master, in fact, when I knew that you liked His Highness the Crown Prince, I was also jealous and clamored secretly in my heart, why not me.But until today, I finally understand how insignificant my liking is.

When Leihuo bullied you, I was watching. Although I said I liked you very much, I was afraid of Leihuo's strength. He has a lot of prestige in the army. If I don't deal with him, I will have nothing to do with self-destructive career. Hey, I don't think anyone would be that stupid, so I waited until he was gone before I went up to appease you and asked you to be more patient with him.

I used to be complacent about my absurd love, and I highly valued my shallow liking. When I told His Royal Highness the whole process of Leihuo bullying you, I saw pity on his face for the first time, although Just for a split second.

I thought His Highness the Crown Prince would teach you to swallow your anger like this. After all, the military power in Leihuo's hands can indeed shake the foundation of His Highness the Crown Prince and make the uprising fail.

In my heart, I feel that there is no difference between the cold and aloof His Royal Highness the crown prince and me, they are all low-minded bastards. It wasn't until I heard the news of General Lei's death last night that I knew that I couldn't compare after all.

Once a person is in a high position, there are more things to consider and take into account, and the person will become more and more involuntary.

But His Royal Highness the Crown Prince doesn't seem to have any concerns about this. He firmly discards all distracting thoughts and wants to protect you.

I think I'm totally lost.

Young master, when you mentioned His Royal Highness, the expression on your face was really touching, as if you were deeply infatuated, but you always felt that you were not worthy.

Maybe no matter how beautiful a character falls in love with someone, he will feel ashamed.But I think His Highness the Crown Prince likes you very much, and you also like His Highness the Crown Prince very much, why doesn't the little prince try to win it over?

Remember to hand over that sachet to His Royal Highness the Prince.

My main purpose of writing this letter is to say goodbye to the young master. This trip is high and the road is long, the future is boundless, and the battlefield is a battle. Life and death are only a moment.

Han Feidu's book

So everything that happened last night was not a dream.

Xie Yan said that he really came, hugged me to sleep, and said a lot of gentle words to me. When I thought of this, I couldn't calm down, and I hurriedly asked the attendant, "Is General Lei really dead?" ?”

The attendant nodded to me, covered his lips with his hands, and said to me softly, "I heard that what happened last night, His Royal Highness ordered him to lead his confidants to raid the enemy camp, and General Lei went, who knows He was ambushed in the valley halfway, and none of the subordinates he took with him survived."

"It's really terrible." The attendant seemed to recall something, trembling all over, and said in horror, "When General Lei's body was brought back, his whole body was scorched black, and he couldn't see his original appearance at all. I heard people say that the enemy army is too vicious. General Lei was first pierced by arrows shot from all over the mountains and fields, and then he was doused with kerosene, and then burned for most of the night. When he was transported back, his face was completely changed. , It’s really horrible, I really regret that I went to see this excitement yesterday.”

"Fire oil?" My heart trembled, thinking of the faint smell of kerosene on Xie Yan's body last night, I couldn't help being surprised and lost my voice.

"Yeah, this way of death is really horrible. First, it was riddled with holes, and then it was burned in flames. How much hatred does it take to torture a person like this!" The attendant asked with concern Me, "Son, are you feeling unwell? Or are you scared?"

"Do you need me to call the military doctor?"

"No, no need." I waved my hand at him, prevaricating, "I'm just a little tired, I want to sleep for a while, you go down first."

"Okay, call me if you need anything."

The attendant went out suspiciously, muttering in a low voice, "Didn't you just wake up? Why are you tired again? Sigh."

I took out the sachet from the front of my shirt and held it tightly in the palm of my hand, so hard that my fingertips turned white.Xie Yan, Xie Yan, he smelled of kerosene last night, did he really do General Lei's death?

I suddenly remembered General Lei's arrogant and domineering appearance, his sharp and biting words, his disgusting saliva, and his dirty eyes. He dared to be so domineering, it must be because the troops on hand were of great strength. .And Xie Yan just killed him like this, what should he do if someone finds out?Without the help of General Lei, would Xie Yan be left alone and helpless?

I don't know all this.

I'm really stupid, and I don't know how to march and fight, but I read Han Feidu's letter again and again, and felt that Xie Yan must have suffered a loss in this matter.

If he doesn't vent his anger on me, he can continue to use Leihuo to help him win the country, but it is because of me that he will do these things.

But what did I do for the words of thanks?Not only broke his legs, but also endless misunderstandings and accusations followed, but because he refused to sleep with me, I thought so badly about him and myself so badly in my heart. Low and low, that's why Leihu took advantage of the loophole.

Xie Yan is right, I have never placed trust in him, neither before nor now.

I, Feng Jiuyue, really haven't made any progress at all. Relying on how much he pampers me, I will speak rudely to him when I am a little unhappy. When will I grow up? After that, I have to bear my never-ending doubts and arrogance.He didn't do anything wrong, from the beginning to the end, I was the only one who did something wrong, and why did Xie Yan have to bear the consequences for what I did wrong.

If I can express my feelings well with Xie Yan, and the two of us sit together and communicate well, will Xie Yan not be so impulsive to punish Leihuo, but I feel that no matter what, Xie Yan always Will make such a choice, he has not changed from before to now.

No matter if the target is Lei Huo who can give him a strong support, or Jiang Qingling with a strong family background, Xie Yan said that he can give up just because of me. Even if the opponent is the emperor who covers the sky with one hand, he will still stand firmly by my side Before, resist everything for me, but how did I treat him?

Obviously I'm the disgusting bastard.

When I thought of this, I couldn't sit still any longer, and rushed out anxiously with the sachet in my hand, almost bumping into the attendant who came in, but I couldn't care about anything, I just helped him up indiscriminately, and hurried out again while rushing.

There is a distance between Xie Yan's study and my attic, I was out of breath from running, and I just leaned against the gazebo on the way to take a breath, but suddenly I heard a clear and joking voice coming from the side, "Oh, this is not what we are sincerely talking about." Are you a little darling? Where are you going in such a hurry?"

This is Bai Lanxue's voice.

I covered my chest and turned my head to look, and saw Bai Lanxue sitting in the gazebo leisurely, wearing a snow-white robe with wide sleeves and a jade crown with her hair tied up.He was looking at me with his chin resting on his cheek with great interest, his peach blossom eyes were crescent-shaped with a smile, and there was a chessboard in front of him, while the young man opposite him was dressed in black armor, which made him tall and strong, with arrogant eyebrows and unrestrained temperament. Good and evil.

I looked up at the clear blue sky and the high sunny day, and then turned my head to look at Bai Lanxue who was playing Go with a relaxed face. I couldn't help feeling puzzled. Normally, Bai Lanxue was discussing military affairs with Xie Yan at this time, why did she not do it today? Play chess leisurely here.

"Mr. Bai, why aren't you discussing matters in the study at this time?" I couldn't hide the matter at all, and I asked the question before I could think it through.

"Hmph." Before Bai Lanxue could speak, the general beside him snorted coldly about his background, his handsome face was full of knowing displeasure.

"Stop being rude." Bai Lanxue scolded angrily, and the general calmed down the chill all over his body, and replied obediently, "Master, don't be angry, the disciple is wrong."

This tall and burly general turned out to be Bai Lanxue's apprentice, I have learned a lot, I looked at Bai Lanxue's slender figure carefully, and couldn't help wondering if he could withstand this little general's punch.

"It's not all because of you."

Bai Lanxue said so, and flirted with me in a coquettish manner, which made my hairs stand on end. She still looked at the general's cold eyes and asked suspiciously, "How could it be because of me?"

"Didn't you enjoy seeing me and Jin Yu together? So he told me not to see each other again in the future, as long as there are some strategies and plans to send someone to send a message." Bai Lanxue's tone was very calm, and she didn't reprimand her at all. The meaning of reproach is that his little apprentice clenched the long sword at his waist after hearing this, as if he wanted to fight me desperately.

My face burned red in an instant, oh my god, I thought everything last night was a dream, but who knew it was all real, Xie Yan really used this ridiculous reason as an excuse to refuse to meet with Bai Lanxue, help , No, I have to make it clear with Xie Yan quickly.

"I have something to ask for thanks. His Royal Highness said that he will not bother you two playing chess. Goodbye."

I hurriedly said a word, and rushed to Xie Yan's study without stopping, but I didn't realize that something was missing in my hand when I walked halfway. Oops, I lost the sachet. I found the place, I patted the dust off the sachet, carefully put it in the hidden pocket of the skirt, and then stood up, but the moment I stood up, it was like being struck by lightning, petrified on the spot .

I saw that at the gazebo, the two people who were originally playing chess had changed positions long ago. The beauty in a snow-white robe was hugged by a gloomy young man in armor. The two hugged so tightly that their lips and teeth met. With Xue's back facing me, I didn't see the expression on his face, but I met the sharp and cold eyes of the young man, like a sharp sword, piercing my panic and horror to pieces.The general saw that I had ruined their good deed, so he didn't let Bai Lanxue go, instead he hugged him closer and kissed him more deeply.

God, aren't they master and apprentice?How can such a thing be done?Such doubtful thoughts lingered in my mind, and lasted until I came downstairs to Xie Yan's study, the temperature on my face did not dissipate, and my expression was in a trance, as if I was living in a weird dream.

I came to the door of Xie Yan's study in three steps and two steps. Looking inside, Xie Yan was indeed discussing the deployment of defenses with the generals. He was sitting in a wheelchair with a map of the border hanging behind him. There were many densely packed pictures on it. Mark, but the situation does not seem to be very good, the voices of the generals twittered into my ears, making my temples twitch non-stop.

"His Royal Highness, without the strength of General Lei, the possibility of our successful counterattack is very slim."

"That's right, and now that General Lei's old department is without his leader, it's in disarray, and it's all become a group of stragglers."

"Without the help of General Lei, our next battle will be difficult."

"Now that the gap between the enemy and us is so great, General Lei has died in battle again, alas."

Blame me.

If it wasn't for me, Xie Yan wouldn't easily touch Leihuo. If I had been a little bit more obedient and listened to Xie Yan and didn't lose my temper with him, wouldn't Xie Yan's situation be as difficult as it is now?

The unspeakable sadness and self-blame are like Teng Mang wrapped around my heart. They slowly tightened, leaving deep and shallow bloodstains on my fragile ventricle. I grabbed the front of my chest and almost lost my breath. Big tears slid down the side of his face one by one, wetting the dry ground.

"Come in." Xie Yan's words suddenly sounded, and the noisy voices in the study stopped abruptly. He obviously didn't mention my name, but I somehow knew he was talking about me, so I wiped away my tears in a panic. He went into the study with his head down.

I didn't dare to look up at people, but countless eyes fell on me, some were probing, some were contemptuous, some were curious, all of them seemed to have a hot temperature, ready to linger me inch by inch, but Xie Yan couldn't help it. Said, "Go inside and wait for me."

After Xie Yan said this, I slowly raised my head and saw his beautiful phoenix eyes with burning temperature, staring at me for a moment, and endless power was born from the bottom of my heart, don't be afraid, Feng Jiu month, apologize to him and admit his mistakes, and be a person who corrects when he knows his mistakes.

I looked behind him immediately, only to find that there was a compartment hidden in the study, but it was blocked by the screen with landscape paintings, so I didn't find it for a while.

I stepped lightly and walked straight to the cubicle, and the sounds of those discussions sounded again after I walked into the cubicle, as if my arrival was just a dragonfly intruding inadvertently.

This compartment is also quite large, with a faint incense burning in the corner, and the window faces a chaise longue made of sandalwood, on which there is a copy of Sun Tzu's Art of War. I put the book on the low table next to the couch , I sat down slowly, my thoughts were uncertain, Xie Yan's voice was like a gust of warm wind, gently brushing across my heart, stirring up layers of ripples.

I was sitting in the middle, and I could hear Xie Yan's words clearly. Facing the worries and apprehensions of many subordinates, he did not show any panic, but calmly formulated a new battle plan.When he speaks, there is always an inexplicable deterrent force that can calm down the noisy voices in the room. It is a natural and powerful leadership ability that made him rise from the barren land to where he is today.

Why Xie Yan he can be so good?

He is really too kind, so good that I am terrified, so good that I feel ashamed, so good that I worry about gains and losses, how can I let the bright moon fall into my arms?I am so ordinary-looking, not smart, and always have a reckless innocence, how can I dare to imagine that such great luck will befall me?

My current mood is like a holy gift that belongs to me hand-picked by the lucky gods, and I am afraid that I will dirty it.

Xie Yan does he really still like me?Would you still want to be with me after I broke his legs and said all those outrageous things?I thought I would never get his love again in this life, but does he actually like me like I like him?No, he can do everything better than me. Even if he likes someone, he can maintain a three-point calmness and restraint. When he is emotional, he can restrain the urge to hurt others.

But I couldn't do it. With a lonely heart, I walked slowly and hesitantly, like an isolated island, which would be sunk by the rolling waves at any time. The voice of doubt, more importantly, came from my inner nightmare.

I always think that I am not worthy of being loved, so once I am slightly rejected, I will immediately hide in a hard shell and disguise myself with alienated and decisive language, but should I also try to believe in the words of thanks, I believe he will be the one who can accompany me to the end.

"That's about it, go down." Xie Yan's voice came from far and near, and I heard the cascading footsteps gradually receding, the sound of rolling wheels gradually approaching, and the deep and indifferent voice followed, "Eat Is lunch already?"

Yes, he is always like this. When he sees me coming, he asks me if I have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He is afraid that I will be hungry. On the other hand, I have had trouble with him recently, so I rarely ask him. In matters of eating and drinking, he is vicious, willful and arrogant in his heart. I still can't figure out what exactly Xie Yan likes about me.

"Why don't you talk?" He was manipulating the wheelchair and was very close to me. I lowered my head and could see his two long and straight legs resting on the wheelchair. In the wheelchair, it seems urgent and pitiful. Once the legs were straight and strong, and I could feel the bursting power when I walked, I could ride a horse, I could run, like a crane riding the wind, but now I can only, I can only, I will always be trapped in the on this wheelchair.

It was my fault, it was all my fault.

Because of my stupidity, because of my distrust, Xie Yan lost a pair of legs. He should hate me, and he really hates me, but he dragged his legs to chase me. He never gave up on me. Walking together, it was me who left him time and time again, making him have to pay a lot of price to be worthy of being next to me like now.

Xie Xing and I were married, and he desperately fought against the cavalry rebellion, but he pretended to turn a blind eye to me on the battlefield.

I suffered from asthma, so he sent out elite soldiers to search for medicinal materials for me, but in the end he insisted that it was for the sake of going to the hospital to have a better time.

When I was bullied, he would rather choose a more difficult and arduous path than vent his anger on me.

Why does he like me so much.

"Okay, why are you crying again?" Cool fingertips caressed the corners of my wet red eyes, wiping away my surging tears one by one, Xie Yan seemed distressed and puzzled, thinking After waiting for a long time, he finally said coldly, "I didn't meet Bai Lanxue today."

"Xie Yan, are you an idiot?" I grabbed his shirt tightly, my eyes were red from crying, but I still held him stubbornly, and said viciously, "Why did you kill Leihuo? You don't know how to kill Leihuo?" Him, will things get a lot more troublesome?"

"I don't care." I said this, but I couldn't even deceive myself. Tears were falling down, the corners of my mouth were deflated, and I couldn't cry, but I insisted, "I'm okay. I have been bullied countless times since I was a child. I have long been used to it and become numb. The only person in this world who will take my grievances to heart is you, except my father. Why do you treat me like this? OK."

"I'm not worth it at all."

"I was born a monster, killed my mother, killed the person my father loves the most, I don't deserve love at all, but why do you treat me so well, I treat you so badly, interrupt Your legs, and you said so many excessive things to you, why do you still treat me so well! I’m so damn good, I hate myself so much, I don’t stop regretting these bad things I did for a moment.”

"Thank you, I'm sorry."

"What I said before was all angry words, I was jealous, I don't like you and Bai Lanxue together, I am very jealous, you are like the moon in the sky, and I am like a pug fishing for the moon, even myself I feel unworthy, that's why I deliberately said those angry words to irritate you, so that you can leave me, because as long as you stand in front of me, I can't help but like you."

"Lei Huo told me that you like Bai Lanxue. When I was pursuing Bai Lanxue, I felt like the sky was falling. You two are so smart and beautiful. You are the most suitable couple. There is no half of me. s position."

"He also said that you just regarded me as a scumbag and came to me just to relieve. Then I believed it. I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, but he hit me, and I was in pain. It's so embarrassing."

When I said this, I couldn't hide the grievances all over the sky, tears poured out like an erupting mountain torrent, I couldn't breathe, but I persisted paranoidly, "He still spit, come, my face, I washed it , Many times, I can't wash it clean in the shower, you still joke, I use flower petals to take a bath."

"I know, no."

"You must think I'm a sissy, woo woo, I'm so wronged, I miss my dad, thank you, I'm sorry, I was wrong."

Huge grievances and sorrows swept over me. I spoke upside down and tried my best to breathe out the last breath in my body. Finally, like a caught crow, it was silent in an instant, and all the sounds of coughing were annihilated. In the throat.

"Feng Jiuyue, breathe, breathe with me." Xie Yan's voice seemed to be flying in the air, and it seemed to be kissing my ear. As if being restrained by a pair of invisible big hands, I couldn't breathe, I just grabbed Xie Yan's robe tightly, making it wrinkled, Xie Yan's face was completely panicked, his wide palm kept giving I calmed down, and said to me anxiously, "Feng Jiuyue, breathe with me, breathe with me, okay?"

"Come, exhale, inhale, come, exhale, inhale." His fingers were trembling in panic, but he didn't dare to increase the volume of his voice to me, as if he was afraid that it would shatter me.

The thin and cool lips pressed up hard, and the warm and powerful breath entered my throat from my mouth, opening all the blocked pipes, and the roaring sound in my ears gradually dissipated, replaced by a gradually calm With the sound of steady breathing, the free light spots in the eye sockets condensed to one point, and fell on Xie Yan's face, which was a disaster for the country and the people.

"Thanks, thank you." I said weakly, and when my fingertips touched the wetness on the front of my clothes, I realized that he was covered in cold sweat. My violent panting attack just now obviously scared him, so he hugged me tightly. Very close, like two conjoined twins, I suddenly felt very satisfied, and those grievances and hatred seemed to keep retreating.

I, who did many bad things to Xie Yan, thought that I was no longer qualified to fight for Xie Yan’s feelings, and I was not qualified to say anything about reconciliation, but Xie Yan seemed to be very afraid of me dying, isn’t that right? It also means that I like me a little bit, can I continue to work hard and grasp this slim hope.

"Thank you, can you give me one last chance?"

"I'll try my best to be nice to you."

"is it okay?"

My lips were trembling with tension, but Xie Yan looked at me fixedly, his expression was still in a trance of shock, his slender eyelashes were condensed with broken drops of water, like clear dewdrops in the morning, and like The butterfly who died in love in the Dead Sea covered my right face with his palm, rubbed the blush on my face with his thumb, flapped his eyelashes twice, dropped a pearl, and said to me deeply and sinkingly, "The last time .”