I Have a Reason to Hate Streamers

Chapter 82

"Okay, please close your eyes for a moment."

"..."

"Now open them. How do you feel?"

"It’s fine."

How did it even come to this? The reflection of myself in the mirror wore a bewildered expression.

My face, which had looked a bit pale earlier, now had some color. Of course, it wasn’t real. I felt more drained than ever. A woman with a bright, cheerful face smiled silently at me.

Her smile was somewhat eerie, and I hastily corrected myself.

"I-I think it looks nice."

"Good. Now let’s head over to the hair station."

"Should I follow you?"

"Yes, please follow me."

Some soft oil was applied to my hair, which had only been roughly brushed before. The style didn’t seem all that different, just a bit more polished than before. So here I was, getting an unexpected makeover.

Had I asked a careless question? It felt like I had unintentionally dug into the wounds of the person who had come out to comfort me. The coffee I sipped didn’t taste as bitter as I thought it would.

I wondered, was Elderen now seeing me as a stand-in for her sister? Maybe there was some sense of vicarious satisfaction behind her kindness. I thought about it for a while but ultimately decided it didn’t matter much.

"I don’t think this is something I should get upset over."

"You might dislike it, though. I mean, assuming things about someone and then offering kindness based on those assumptions... It’s actually pretty rude."

"It’s okay. It was comforting to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. So, could you... just hug me, just this once?"

Elderen—or rather, Yuserin—my sister—slowly pulled me into her arms.

Her arms wrapped around me gently, and I could feel her chest rise and fall with each breath. The warmth only another human could provide began to thaw the chill deep in my bones. Along with that warmth, I felt myself melting away, slowly dissolving.

"Just a little longer... It’s so warm and nice."

In truth, I was just as guilty of using others as substitutes. I simply longed for warmth. It didn’t really matter who gave it to me as long as I could have what I wanted.

Anyone who approached me and said the right things could quickly win over my heart.

Human warmth had become something so precious to me. So, if I could borrow that warmth, it didn’t matter if I had to pay a steep price. Even if there was a sinister motive behind it, I could overlook that to some degree.

Maybe I was much easier to please than I thought.

I snuggled a little closer to Yuserin’s embrace. It was still warm. Even though the world was already leaving spring behind, my own personal winter had yet to end.

"You know, I lied about something during the meet-up," I confessed.

"What was it?"

"My leg... It didn’t get hurt recently. It’s been a long time since it stopped working."

"I already knew. Not just me—everyone else pretended not to know, too."@@@@

"What?"

She said it so casually, but it was shocking. I looked up at her and saw her faint smile.

I felt so foolish for thinking I had hidden it well. I lowered my head again in embarrassment.

"How did you know?"

"Your crutches and brace are really worn out. Plus, habits. The body doesn’t lie, and it seems like you can’t lie, either."

The only thing I have going for me... is my appearance. No one denies that I’m pretty. So how am I supposed to save my leg?

If my looks are all I have, should I sell myself?

There are plenty of rich, greedy people in this world. When you live as a "miserable woman," whether you like it or not, you eventually come to realize that. I’d probably be in demand. I might even get the warmth I’ve longed for.

But... I don’t think I’d care about a life lived that way.

I’d have no reason to fix my leg, no more dreams to chase. Drowning myself in alcohol or indulgence... one day, my body would take to the sky. It would be a brief but exhilarating flight.

If that’s where things are heading anyway... maybe I should just—

"I... I just want to die—"

Before I could finish, Yuserin covered my mouth with her hand.

"Da-eun. You said you wanted to try streaming, right?"

"Yes. But... not in real life."

"You said you might not be able to play anymore. I can’t fight the game company for you, but I can help you with one thing. It’s good to have multiple options, isn’t it?"

"Huh...?"

The car sped down the empty road. I had no idea where we were going. But Elderen seemed oddly full of energy.

Her enthusiasm made me a bit nervous, and I fiddled with my fingers in apprehension.

"I can’t stream in real life."

"Why not?"

"Because... I’m not as strong as I am in the game. I don’t know how to entertain people. I’m not like Ka-Wol."

"But you are Ka-Wol."

"Not exactly... I mean..."

My words trailed off.

I’m gloomy, and my heart is full of jealousy. Honestly, I’m even jealous of you. I hate everyone who’s happier and more successful than me.

─ But I couldn’t say that out loud.

Instead, I searched for another excuse.

“I’ve been hated a lot, you know. I’m sure I won’t be able to handle it.”

Ka-Wol can handle all the hatred directed at her. But Han Da-eun cannot. If people started turning their arrows of criticism toward me, I might just collapse.

That thought terrified me. My heart wasn’t strong enough to endure that.

“You’re right. You’ve made quite a few enemies.”

“Right? So that’s why I—”

“But you’ve gained even more popularity. I don’t think you fully realize that yet, so let’s get prepared.”

“I-I don’t want to. It’s scary!”

“Are you sure?”

“...”

The car came to a temporary stop at a traffic light. Yuserin placed her hand gently on top of mine.

“If you really don’t want to, I won’t force you. But I’d like you to trust me just this once. What do you say, Da-eun?”

“I... well...”