Girl Band, Gravity Capture

Page 84

"...Even if it's something like that, you could have told me."

Family troubles, running away from home... It's not surprising that Toyokawa Shoko, who lost her source of income and was burdened with heavy life pressures, chose to leave the band, and Genji Koto wasn't angry about it.

Giving up her noble and carefree life as a young lady and instead becoming a disheveled person who has to run around like an ordinary person... Yuan Xudou can understand why she doesn't want people who know her to discover this fact.

Shoko Toyokawa's answer was almost identical.

"Even if I say it, so what... I don't want to be looked at with pity...!"

Yuan Xudou gave a soft "ha".

“For others, that reason is enough.” His expression returned to calm. “So, why should even I avoid it?”

"...Our relationship is 'special'...You should be well aware of this when you say it."

Seeking help from each other shouldn't hurt each other's self-esteem. Perhaps others can't, but two people who understand and trust each other, and who have many unique promises to each other, can still share even this kind of burden.

However, Toyokawa Shoko seemed to have forgotten the promises they had made to each other... and treated him as someone she needed to avoid and hide from as well. The reason behind this was what puzzled Genjiro the most.

Now that things have come to this point, with both her current situation and her mindset completely understood, Toyokawa Shoko no longer had the desire to hide away in such an unsightly way, as if afraid of the shadows of light.

"That's why I said... Xu Dou, you don't understand..."

Speaks in despair, then closes her eyes sadly, gasping for breath like someone about to drown.

"You probably wouldn't have thought of that."

“My father… I knew him as a steady and reliable elder… but after my mother left and his career failed, he became so despondent.”

“When I found him, he was drinking bottle after bottle in a cramped rented room, his face covered in a beard…” Recalling that scene, Toyokawa Shoko paused for a moment as if suffocating. “He refused to go out, nor was he willing to pull himself together. He even used my money to buy his meals every day. All he knew was to drink and escape… I don’t believe that was the real father.”

"He must have just been temporarily devastated to become like this... Mother is gone, and the family has abandoned him. If even I, as his daughter, don't care, who else will take care of him...!"

With a low growl, Toyokawa Shoko unleashed all the resentment and painful thoughts that had been building up in her heart. She took a breath, and a dark sense of bewilderment clouded her golden eyes.

“But I see no hope whatsoever for him to cheer up…” She reached out and gripped Yuan Xudou’s clothes tightly, her voice trembling and fragile, “A loved one has degenerated into a stranger you don’t recognize, and no matter how much encouragement and help you give, you get no response… Xudou, you’ll never understand this feeling…”

"Even if I can rely on you! Can you really share the burden of my father's life?!" Toyokawa Shoko growled in a low, defiant voice, like a wounded cat. "How could I possibly accept this fact—?!"

Seeing Yuan Xudou's somewhat astonished expression, she managed to calm herself down.

"As expected... Someone as outstanding as you couldn't possibly imagine that someone could fall so low. You probably never considered that possibility."

“No, but there’s a problem with that—” he frowned.

Ignoring what Genjiro wanted to say, Toyokawa Shoko continued her story.

"If that's all there is to it, I... am not entirely unable to accept it."

"Because you're still here... Xu Dou." She slowly raised her head and murmured softly, "At worst, I'll rely on you to support myself for now, and when I'm able, I'll find a way to repay you..."

She would never have felt dependent on or sought help from anyone else, but with Yuan Xudou as the recipient, she felt almost no psychological burden.

Ultimately, the level of trust one can place in a "close friend" and a "lover who you want to be family with" is completely different. As Yuan Xudou said, because they are special, they are qualified to share each other's lives.

"...That day, when I messaged you, I really wanted to go back to band practice and discuss this matter with you privately, Xu Dou..."

"But...! That person...!"

Unable to suppress her inner turmoil any longer, Toyokawa Shoko grabbed his arm, her dim eyes revealing a fragile, shattered light.

As if trying to suppress a sob, she clenched her teeth, but a trembling voice still escaped from her pale lips.

"When I came to look for you, the police called me and said he was passed out drunk on the side of the road—! Like a drunkard who had given up on life—!"

“I… can’t even practice with the band members. I could be called away at any moment to bail him out of the police station… How could I possibly tell you something like this…?!”

She didn't want to drag everyone down with her misfortune and force them to accommodate her—that was Toyokawa Shoko's motivation for leaving the band. It was both her proud nature, unwilling to show her helplessness in front of familiar people, and her kind heart, wanting to protect those around her.

In the end… both of these expectations were dashed. She was forced to confront the stark reality that her predicament had been exposed by the most important person in her life.

Shoko Toyokawa, breathing heavily as if trying to expel the air from her stomach along with that sorrowful truth, lowered her eyes.

"Now...you know everything—"

"Xiangzi!" Yuan Xudou grabbed Toyokawa Xiangzi's thin shoulders, raising his voice, "Listen to me carefully!"

She has a habit of easily getting absorbed in her own thoughts and being unwilling to pay attention to the performance of others. She must change this habit in the future. Yuan Xudou, who was completely unaware that he also had this problem, thought to himself in a moment of reflection.

But now, having discovered the doubts in Toyokawa Shoko's statement, he has devoted all his attention to them.

The gradually brightening silvery moonlight illuminated the undeniable seriousness on his face.

"Do you know when your father moved out of the Toyokawa family home?"

"According to the information I have, Toyokawa Kiyoko was removed from the Toyokawa Realty list when the summer vacation was only halfway over!"

Hearing his words, Toyokawa Shoko's initial expression was one of bewilderment and incomprehension, but it quickly turned into shock and astonishment.

Genjiro continued to state his arguments, his calm yet rapid words like heavy hammer blows striking Toyokawa Shoko's thoughts.

"Have you ever asked your father or grandfather when he left the Toyokawa family?"

Of course not. How could she possibly have the mind to ask such a thing?

"Have you ever thought about how long he had been living alone before you found your father?"

“I can’t be sure of the exact time, but it shouldn’t be less than a week.” Yuan Xudou took a deep breath. “If it’s really as you say, a self-destructive alcoholic… can he really survive a week in a rented room?”

That wasn't to question whether Toyokawa Shoko was lying. He could clearly sense that what the girl had just said was not a single lie, and there was no exaggeration whatsoever.

Shoko Toyokawa, who hoped her father could pull himself together, could not possibly describe his condition as deteriorating.

Therefore, the answer is obvious.

"……What……?"

Shoko Toyokawa was not so dull as to need the answer to be laid out before she could understand a riddle. On the contrary, she was very intelligent and could easily solve the related answers simply by completing the riddle.

For example, Yuan Xudou, who is clear-headed from the sidelines, reveals the present moment of that element that has always been overlooked, while she is confused by those involved.

—Toyokawa 6 Yingqi e]@r Bashisi Dam Qinggao, before she found it... it wasn't like this.

At the very least, he should possess basic self-care abilities and not be so drunk that he passes out on the street and gets taken away and detained by the police. Otherwise, no one would bail him out.

So, it was her arrival... that turned her father into this颓废 (颓废 is a difficult word to translate directly, but it implies a state of being listless, dispirited, or decadent) state he is in now...?

As for the reason for doing such a thing... it's easy to understand if you think about it. Isn't it exactly the same logic as her previous behavior?

In order to disappoint those around them and eventually give up, and to avoid burdening others with their problems, they deliberately behave in a way that is disliked...

She treated Xu Dou this way, and Toyokawa Kiyoko treated her the same way...

The only difference is that Toyokawa Shoko's strategy failed to deceive him, who knew her too well. Minamoto Kōdō insisted that she hadn't suddenly turned bad, but rather had unspeakable reasons for it. Toyokawa Kiyoko, on the other hand, who had more reasons for her downfall, successfully deceived his own daughter.

Even now, the reason why Shoko Toyokawa continues to take care of Kiyoko Toyokawa, besides the bond of blood and the continuation of her mother's choice, is probably more about a sense of responsibility that "it has to be me" than about familial affection.

After all, she already referred to her father as "that person" and considered him an incurable alcoholic... Although she was still hoping for him to cheer up, it was just a reason for her to persist.

If it weren't for the lingering traces of a young lady's manners, Toyokawa Shoko might have directly called Toyokawa Seizo a "scoundrel father." After all, a father who is still capable of working yet relies on his underage daughter for financial support, and who is even an alcoholic, is, from any perspective, far too unbecoming of an elder.

Because he was such a scoundrel, Toyokawa Shoko never considered the possibility that "he did it on purpose," and only thought that he had truly become decadent.

However, this was only one possibility that the two of them had come up with... but it was enough to completely shake the already wavering balance in Toyoshiro Shoko's heart, causing it to tip to the other side.

"Waaah...why did this happen..."

Her heart, already battered and torn apart several times tonight, finally succumbed to this heaviest blow. Crystalline tears welled up in the girl's eyes, and she desperately wiped them away, her low sobs filled with pain unable to stop.

"Then what was it all for...!"

"I...I clearly didn't want anything anymore..."

An important band, familiar friends, a comfortable life—he abandoned all of that just to protect his only remaining parents… but in the end, he had been doing nothing but futile efforts…?

How could I possibly accept something like this...?

What is more unbearable than experiencing pain is discovering that after being tortured, the goal you wanted to achieve has become even more distant.

But... even if you regret it so much that your empty stomach cramps and you can hardly breathe, there's no going back on what you've done.

Gen Xudou looked at Toyokawa Shoko with a complicated expression, who had completely exposed her most vulnerable side in front of him, and whose supposedly strong mental defenses had finally collapsed.

He hesitated for a few seconds, then raised his hand and used his palm to wipe away her tears that kept flowing.

“…Xiangzi.”

Look at what you've become.

The impression of elegance and poise had almost completely vanished from her. The white striped casual clothes she was wearing, which he knew so well, seemed to have not been properly washed in a long time, and there were even faint oil stains and watermarks on them.

Her once rosy and healthy cheeks now looked thin and pale; her usually meticulously styled, smooth hair was now noticeably messy, with even her hairband looking hastily tied; her golden eyes had lost their confident and tolerant gleam, and now, filled with tears, she looked as pitiful as an abandoned kitten.

...Yuan Xudou knew that he should hate her.

I hate this willful young lady who forcibly dragged me, who didn't want to join the band, into a warm "community of shared destiny," and then arbitrarily destroyed everything that should have been beautiful.

I hate this girl who pretends to be strong, repeatedly hurts other people's kindness and attempts to get closer, and always makes things worse on her own. She seems gentle, but is actually stubborn and dishonest.

When she's normal, she can communicate and discuss things in a very tolerant way. But once she shows weakness, she immediately becomes sensitive and fierce towards any concern from the outside world, making people want to question her whether the so-called mutual support is just a hypocritical deception.

She can readily offer help to others in dire need, yet she cannot accept being helped by friends when she herself is truly in need… Perhaps this is the true nature of Toyokawa Shoko – aloof and superior. She can share hardships with others, but she cannot accept anyone sharing hardships with her.

Even his closest confidant, the one he could entrust his life to, was meticulous and calculating. If the slightest unexpected situation arose, he would immediately abandon the idea of ​​seeking help and grit his teeth and bear it all by himself... It was outrageously troublesome.

Willful, stubborn, troublesome, and aloof.

...Liking her is really exhausting.

Simply breaking through that false layer of stubbornness, allowing her true cowardice and unease to be revealed to him alone, was already incredibly difficult for him.

Putting aside the ease and comfort that comes with a life of abundance, how much of those desirable, dazzling qualities, like bright sunshine, remains in her now?

"call……"

Yuan Xudou exhaled softly, then grasped Fengchuan Xiangzi's slender wrist, and pulled her small hand to his eyes.

Noticing his movement, Toyokawa Shoko, who was still crying, suddenly stiffened. Immediately remembering something, she instinctively tried to pull her hand back. However, weakened by grief, she did not have the strength to resist again and could only let Genjiro observe her intently.

Those delicate fingers that he remembered, which once danced and leaped across the piano keys, pouring out moving music, and were meticulously maintained, now seemed to be stained with incongruous, subtle dirt. The contrast between cleanliness and blemishes was so stark it was almost glaring.

"Are you working?" he asked softly.

Toyokawa Shoko turned her head to the side, barely holding back her tears, and responded with a soft "hmm".

"I... I have no money left." Saying this still felt humiliating for the former rich girl; her voice was extremely low. "He doesn't work, and I'm paying for his utilities and food..."

That's why, not wanting Yuan Xudou to discover her current wretched state of being imprisoned, she instinctively chose to run away at the first opportunity.

...If possible, even though she had done those things that hurt their feelings for each other, Toyokawa Shoko still hoped that in Genji's memory she would be a composed and elegant young lady, not the down-and-out woman struggling to make a living.

Even in this situation, it's probably still impossible for her to bow down and beg for money from others.

“Xiangzi…” After a long silence, Yuan Xudou lowered her hand and sighed. “Do you really understand how to live out here?”

"Where can I buy cheap meals? How can I pay my utility bills before the community comes knocking? What are the necessities of life? And how can I save more money on essential items?"

"I can save money by tidying up my room, learning to cook at home, and figuring out how to make consumables last as long as possible."

"It's relatively easy, the pay isn't low, and there are some part-time jobs that are friendly to minors. School scholarships are also a significant source of income. It's about increasing income and reducing expenditure... You probably wouldn't understand this if you haven't experienced or learned about it before."

...And because of his past, he was quite familiar with these things that ordinary people wouldn't usually bother with.

Sensing the unspoken meaning in his words, Toyokawa Shoko's still-watery eyes widened, a dazed tremor appearing in their depths.

“Xu Dou…”

“I don’t want to interfere with your choices,” Yuan Xudou said decisively. “Now that you’ve figured it out and are no longer deliberately fighting with me or with yourself, what you do next is your own decision, Xiangzi.”

"Whether you want to go back to the Toyokawa family or stay here..."

He looked intently into Toyokawa Shoko's eyes and slowly began to speak.

"...or perhaps, they want to live a self-reliant life."

"In that case, I will help you."

...Go back to the Toyokawa family? This option only flashed through Toyokawa Shoko's mind before being immediately ruled out. Not to mention that her pride would not allow her to slink back home after running away, the way her family handled Toyokawa Seigao, and the words her grandfather had said to her, had completely chilled her heart.

Staying here? After understanding her father's thoughts, staying with him would only be mutual torture. Without her, Toyokawa Kiyoko, as a capable adult who could take care of himself, would actually be better off—Toyokawa Shoko had to admit this painful truth that made her feel all her sacrifices were not worthwhile.

Besides, she didn't really want to live in that cramped, dark rental room where every few steps was blocked by walls, and it even smelled musty!

Ultimately, Toyokawa Shoko only took care of Toyokawa Kiyoko because she couldn't bear to see him living such a decadent life. Now that she could live a good life on her own, she couldn't possibly allow her father to continue to wallow in depravity like a useless person clinging to her.

So... there's only one option left.

With her band disbanded by her own choices, her family ties severed, and even familiar friends severing their ties one by one, and with one of her parents gone and the other in despair... Toyokawa Shoko is closer to having nothing than at any other time in her life.